Oneliners XXVI & XXVII

"Oneliners XXVI"

If you can't enjoy yourself, enjoy somebody else.

Strip mining prevents forest fires.

I suppose we should all count our blessings,
especially since they're dwindling.

I don't need drugs. I get the same effect, just
by standing up fast.

Saw it ... Wanted it ... Had a fit ... Got it!

A good time to keep your mouth shut is when
you're in deep water.

I'm so far behind I think I'm first.

It doesn't matter what temperature a room is,
it's always room temperature.

The extra mile isn't half as long as all those
other miles.

Frustration is trying to find your glasses
without your glasses.

Life is really like a shower. One wrong turn
and you're in hot water.

Without my ignorance, your knowledge would
be meaningless.

Today everyone wants instant gratification,
no matter how long it takes.

They who are afraid to ask are ashamed of
learning.

Blessed are those who can give without
remembering and take without forgetting.

Four categories of body fat in Georgia:
normal, overweight, obese and deputy sheriff.

The irony of life is that, by the time you're old
enough to know your way around, you're not
going anywhere.

G~d made man before woman so as to give
him time to think of an answer for her first
question.

I miss the good old days when the
Americans were the good guys.

You can learn many things from children,
like how much patience you have.

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"Oneliners XXVII"

Vacation in Asia: It makes you feel taller.

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

To err is human, but to really foul things
up requires a committee.

For every action there is an equal and
opposite criticism.

In the end, all we have is a bunch of snapshots.

My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to
use mine.

A man without a woman is like a neck
without a pain.

Three secrets of success in public
speaking are: be sincere, be brief, be
seated.

Laughter is an Instant Vacation!

Observation: Most people meet the right
one after they've married the wrong one.

An optimist laughs to forget. A pessimist
forgets to laugh.

A mother can touch a whole generation
just by loving her own child well.

How come wrong numbers are never busy!

If a thing is worth doing, it is worth doing
slowly . .very slowly.

Oh, no! Not ANOTHER learning experience!

When skeptics see the handwriting on the
wall, they claim it's a forgery.

I hope we live to be as old as our jokes

It isn't difficult to make a mountain out of a
molehill . . . just add a little dirt.

I want to figure out the meaning of life because
then I'd be rich.

Beware of geeks bearing .GIFS
Received on Mon Mar 6 06:24:01 2006