Facts Of Life, Parts I & II

"Facts Of Life"
Part I

Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with
them.

The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was
my blood alcohol content.

Home is where you can say anything you like,
'cause nobody listens to you anyway.

I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know
me here.

"I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with
'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?'"

It is when you stop believing in Santa Claus
that you start getting clothes for Christmas!

I don't do drugs anymore 'cause I find I get the
same effect just by standing up really fast."

Sign In Pet Store: "Buy one dog, regular price,
get one flea..."

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes
misery easier to live with.

I don't have a big ego. I'm way too cool for that.

Dyslexia means never having to say that you're
yrros.

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport
the 'terminal'?

I see your IQ test results were negative.

Regular naps prevent old age.....especially if
you take them while driving.

When I was born, I was so surprised I couldn't
talk for a year and a half.

If G~d had intended for man to use the metric
system, Jesus would have only had ten disciples!

I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too
many of them get elected.

If women can have PMS, then men can have ESPN.

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it
has absolutely no trade-in value.

I have learned there is little difference in
husbands, you might as well keep the first.

If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it
deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.

Travel is very educational. I can now say
"Kaopectate" in seven different languages.
Received on Thu Jun 1 08:50:13 2006