Vacation Drums

"Puns"
{you've been warned}

My son, Ken, was married yesterday. I heard
him tell his bride, Caryn, that his ring was
so tight it was cutting off his circulation. She
replied, "That's what it is supposed to do."

I was in a church meeting where the topic
was "Burial or Cremation?" two of the people
got rather worked up. One said to the other,
"If you have yourself cremated, all you will be
doing is making an ash of yourself!" The
other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum
comes from fossilized bones, so if you have
yourself buried all you will be doing is making
a fuel of yourself!"

The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken
her leg and came into our insurance office to
file a disability claim. As I scanned the claim
form, I did a double take. Under "Reason
unable to work," she wrote: "Can't stand to cook."

This guy is walking with his friend. He says to
this friend, "You know, Benny's a walking
economy." His friend replies, "How so?" "His
hair line is in recession, his stomach is a victim
of inflation, and both of these together are
putting him into a deep depression."

I noticed the neighbor down the street was home
every day, so after a few weeks I asked him what
was going on. He replied, "I left my job because
of illness and fatigue." A few weeks later, his
wife gave me the real truth of what happened.
Turns out my neighbor's boss got sick and
tired of him.

*********************************************

"Vacation Drums"

As told to me by my music teacher....

A guy goes on vacation to a tropical island. As
soon as he gets off the plane, he hears drums.
He thinks "Wow, this is cool." He goes to the
beach, he hears the drums, he eats lunch, he
hears drums, he goes to a luau, he hears
drums. He TRIES to go to sleep, he hears
drums.

This goes on for several nights, and gets to
the point where the guy can't sleep at night
because of the drums. Finally, he goes
down to the front desk.

When he gets there, he asks the manager,
"Hey! What's with these drums. Don't they
ever stop? I can't get any sleep."

The manager says, "No! Drums must NEVER
stop. Very bad if drums stop."

"Why?"

"When drums stop... bass solo begins."
Received on Thu Feb 23 09:21:53 2006