To Love, Honor...

"Dating Again"

After four years of separation, my wife and
I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date
again, but I had no idea of how to start, so
I decided to look in the personals column
of the local newspaper. After reading through
all the listings, I circled three that seemed
possible in terms of age and interest, but I
put off calling them.

Two days later, there was a message on
my answering machine from my ex-wife.

"I came over to your house to borrow some
tools today and saw the ads you circled in
the paper. Don't call the one in the second
column. It's me."

*********************************************

"To Love, Honor..."

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom
approached the pastor with an unusual offer.

"Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding
vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm
to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking
all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate
it if you'd just leave that part out." He passed the
minister a $100 bill and walked away satisfied.

It is now the day of the wedding, and the bride and
groom have moved to that part of the ceremony
where the vows are exchanged. When it comes
time for the groom's vows, the pastor looks the
young man in the eye and says:

"Will you promise to prostrate yourself before her,
obey her every command and wish, serve her
breakfast in bed every morning of your life and
swear eternally before G~d and your lovely wife
that you will not ever even look at another woman,
as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and
said in a tiny voice, "Yes."

The groom leaned toward the pastor and hissed,
"I thought we had a deal."

The pastor put the $100 bill into his hand and
whispered back, "She made me a much better
offer."
Received on Sun Aug 6 05:04:29 2006