Definitions

"Meanings"

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with
fire at one end and a fool on the other.

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from
the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the
students without passing through "the minds of
either."

Conference: The confusion of one man
multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such
a way that everybody believes he got the biggest
piece.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine
will-power is defeated by feminine water power...

Dictionary: A place where success comes before
work.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks,
nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: A place where you can relax after your
strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get
to open their mouth.

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"Definitions"

Adultery - The wrong people doing the right thing.

Chivalry - A mans inclination to defend a woman
against every man but himself.

Conscience - That which hurts when everything
else feels so good.

Constipation - To have and to hold.

Husband - What is left after the nerve has been killed.

Minute Man - One who double parks while he visits
a sporting house.

Morning - The time of day when the rising generation
retires, and the retiring generation arises.

Nun - A woman who ain't never had none, don't
want none, and ain't going to get none.

Nursery - A place to park last years fun until it
grows up a bit.

Sin - Anything the other fellow enjoys and you don't.

Sissy - A man who gets out of the bath tub to take
a leak.

Spring Fever - When the iron in your blood turns
to lead in your pencil.

Stork - The bird that had none of the fun in bringing
the babies.

Taxidermist - A man who mounts animals.

Tomcat - A ball bearing mouse trap.
Received on Fri Sep 9 19:35:05 2005