The 2005 10th Place Nobel Prize Winners

"The 2005 10th Place Nobel Prize Winners"

AGRICULTURAL HISTORY: James Watson of
Massey University, New Zealand, for his
scholarly study, "The Significance of Mr.
Richard Buckley's Erection."

PHYSICS: John Moonstone and the late Thomas
Parnell of the University of Ohio, for patiently
conducting an experiment that began in the
year 1925 -- in which a glob of congealed black
tar has been slowly, dripping through a funnel,
at a rate of approximately one drop every nine
years.

MEDICINE: Gregg A. Miller of Oak Grove, Missouri,
for inventing Neuticles -- artificial replacement
testicles for goats, which are available in three
sizes, and three degrees of firmness.

LITERATURE: The Internet entrepreneurs of
Nigeria, for creating and then using e-mail to
distribute a bold series of monetary tall tales,
thus introducing millions of readers to a cast of
super rich characters -- General Sani Abacha,
Mrs. Sherry Quay Lu, Barrister Jon A. Mbeki Esq.,
and others -- each of whom requires just a small
amount of expense money so as to obtain access
to the great wealth to which they are entitled and
which they would like to share with any unbalanced
person who assists them.

PEACE: Jerry Gersh and Peter Simmons of
Newcastle University, in the U.K., for electrically
monitoring the activity of the brain cells in a locust
while that locust was watching selected highlights
from film clips of George Bush's speeches
explaining "How War Will Bring World Peace."

ECONOMICS: Gauri Kadoch of the Massachusetts
Institute of Technology, for inventing an alarm clock
that runs away and hides, repeatedly, thus ensuring
that people DO get out of bed, and thus theoretically
adding many productive hours to the workday.

CHEMISTRY: Edward Kessler of the University of
Minnesota and Campbell Douglass of P. S. 33 in
the Bronx for conducting a careful experiment to
settle the long-standing scientific question: can
armless people swim faster in syrup or in water?

BIOLOGY: Moshe Barouche of the University of
Toronto, Canada and the Fermished perfume
company, Geneva, Switzerland, and Yoji Hayasaka
of the Iceland Menthol Research Institute; for
painstakingly smelling and cataloging the peculiar
odors produced by 131different species of frogs
when the frogs were feeling stressed.

NUTRITION: Dr. Dan Sugarmench of Lima, Peru,
for photographing and retrospectively analyzing
every meal he has consumed during a period
of 24 years (and counting).

FLUID DYNAMICS: Victor Beano Meyer-Katz of
International University Bremen, Germany and ;
Jozsef Gal of Loránd Eötvös University, Hungary,
for using basic principles of physics to calculate
the pressure that builds up inside a penguin, as
detailed in their report "Pressures Produced
When Penguins Pooh -- Calculations on Avian
Defecation."

DENTISTRY: Dr. Roto Rooter, noted Panamian
house call dentist, for proving the validity of "The
Tooth Fairy and Calculations of Monetary Rewards
as an Inflation Indicator."

SPACE RESEARCH : Cheng Wong, a famous
marine biologist, studied prison space requirements,
under a $750,000 grant from the California Department
of Corrections, concluded his 6 month study by issuing
his report recommending that all shower rooms in CA
State Prisons be eliminated ...thereby saving the State
$750,000 over a 2 year period.

NUTRITION:Professor Skinner Alevy, of the Why Weight
Institute, proved conclusively that 46% of fat people
will lose weight by spending their food allowances on
high priced diet books and over-the-counter diet pills.
Received on Tue Oct 18 08:17:52 2005