Rules for Dining Out

"Rules for Dining Out"
{by Jim Moore Jr}

* Rule number one: If you're traveling, never
ever eat in any place called "Mom's" -- well,
unless the only other places in town to dine
are named "Eats" and "Dirty Harry's".

* Rule number two: If you've entered a restaurant
in the "Little Italy" section of the town, and you've
noticed all the waiters are wearing shoulder
hostlers, you'd better just leave.

* Rule number three: If you're waiting in line to
be seated at a nice restaurant, you can always
figure a wait of two hours or a twenty -- whichever
comes first.

* Rule number four: If you're given a choice of
tables by the maitre d'hotel, my suggestion is
that you always request one near a waiter.

* Rule number five: If you notice that the tablecloth
and the napkins are made of a better material than
any suit you own, you'd better hope your credit card
is not maxed-out.

* Rule number six: If you're in a fancy restaurant
and you find you cannot pronounce some dish on
the menu, chances are you probably can't afford it
either.

* Rule number seven: If you've been served bread
and rolls while awaiting your meal, and you find the
place is using a cheap substitute for margarine,
you'd probably better just leave.

* Rule number eight: If you notice a bottle of Maalox
along with a variety of other antacids among the
condiments on the table, you'd probably better not
order anything spicy.
Received on Wed Oct 12 05:53:05 2005