Catholic Dictionary

"Catholic Dictionary"

This information is for Catholics. It must not be
divulged to non-Catholics.

AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows
the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is
H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three
octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often
sung a little more quietly, since most of the people
have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability
to find colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most
Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because
Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way
of showing us that holiday travel has always been
rough.)

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in
Catholic churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the
beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the
celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the
conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to
beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for
so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and
stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top
Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't
know the seating capacity of a pew.
Received on Sun Nov 27 06:40:21 2005