Cars and Religion

"Jesus Could Have Been"

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus
could have been Black:

1. He called everyone "brother"
2. He liked Gospel
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments
that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business.
2. He lived at home until he was 33.
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his
  mother was sure he was G~d.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments
that Jesus could have been Italian:

1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments
that Jesus could have been a Californian:

1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot all the time.
3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments
that Jesus could have been Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all -
3 proofs that Jesus could have been a Woman:

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when
there was no food.
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a
bunch of men who just didn't get it.
3. And even when he was dead, He had to get up
  because there was more work to do.

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"Cars and Religion"

I'm confident the Bible can be interpreted
in different ways but . . . . . .

Most people assume WWJD is for "What would
Jesus do?" But the initials recently have been
changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?"

One theory is that Jesus would tool around in
an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "G-d
drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden
in a Fury."

But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a
Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges Jesus
to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest
and terrify them with your Storm".

Perhaps G-d favors Dodge pickup trucks,
because Moses' followers are warned not to
go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds
a long blast."

Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda
but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite
a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells
the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..."

Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle,
as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that
"the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills."

Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in
its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout
the land."

And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled
in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord."
Received on Sat Nov 5 10:49:47 2005