Why I Fired My Secretary

"Why I Fired My Secretary" {A Classic}

I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was
my birthday, and I thought, "I'm another year older,"
but decided to make the best of it. So I showered
and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast
my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say,
"Happy birthday, dear."

All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and there sat my wife,
reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn't say one
word. So I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast
and thought to myself, "Oh well, she forgot. The kids
will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and
they will sing 'Happy Birthday' and have a nice gift for me."

There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the
kids came running into the kitchen, yelling, "Give me a
slice of toast! I'm late! Where is my coat? I'm going to
miss the bus!" Feeling more depressed than ever, I left
for the office.

When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me
with a great big smile and a cheerful "Happy birthday,
boss." She then asked if she could get me some coffee.
Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole
lot better.

Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office
door and said, "Since it's your birthday, why don't we have
lunch together?" Thinking it would make me feel better, I
said, "That's a good idea." So we locked up the office, and
since it was my birthday, I said, "Why don't we drive out of
town and have lunch in the country instead of going to the
usual place?"

So we drove out of town and went to a little out-of-the-way
inn and had a couple of martinis and a nice lunch. We
started driving back to town, when my secretary said,
"Why don't we go to my place, and I will fix you another
martini." It sounded like a good idea, since we didn't have
much to do in the office.

So we went to her apartment, and she fixed us some
martinis. After a while, she said, "If you will excuse me,
I think I will slip into something more comfortable," and
she left the room.

In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and
came out carrying a big birthday cake. Following her
were my wife and all my kids.

And there I sat with nothing on but my socks.
Received on Mon May 2 01:55:45 2005