Mathematician in the Bar

"About Speeches"

An Englishman, a Canadian and an American were
captured by terrorists.

The terrorist leader said: "Before we shoot you, you
will be allowed last words. Please let me know
what you wish to talk about."

The Englishman replied: "I wish to speak of loyalty
and service to the crown."

The Canadian replied: "Since you are involved in a
question of national purpose, national identity, and
secession, I wish to talk about the history of
constitutional process in Canada, special status,
distinct society and uniqueness within diversity."

The American replied: "Just shoot me before the
Canadian starts talking."

***************************************

"Bar Joke"

An American Indian, a Rabbi, the Pope, an Italian,
and an Irishman all walk into a bar together and
sit down.

The bartender looks at all 5 of them and says,
"What is this... some kind of joke?"

***************************************

"Mathematician in the Bar"

Every Friday afternoon, a mathematician goes down to the
bar, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat,
which is empty, and asks a girl who isn't there if he can
buy her a drink.

The bartender, who is used to weird university types, always
shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives,
and the mathematician makes a particularly heart-wrenching
plea into empty space, curiosity gets the better of the
bartender, and he says, "I apologize for my stupid questions,
but surely you know there is NEVER a woman sitting in
that last stool. Why do you persist in asking out empty
space?"

The mathematician replies, "Well, according to quantum
physics, empty space is never truly empty. Virtual particles
come into existence and vanish all the time. You never know
when the proper wave function will collapse and a girl might
suddenly appear there."

The bartender raises his eyebrows. "Really? Interesting. But
couldn't you just ask one of the girls who comes here every
Friday if you could buy HER a drink? Never know --she might
say yes."

The mathematician laughs. "Yeah, right -- how likely
is THAT to happen?"
Received on Fri Jul 29 08:35:47 2005