The Perks of Being Over 40...

"The Perks of Being Over 40..."

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists
than the national weather service.

People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?"

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

There is nothing left to learn the hard way.

You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.

You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.

You get into heated arguments about pension plans.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even
realize it.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter
who walks into the room.

You sing along with elevator music.

Your eyes won't get much worse.

Your investment in health insurance is finally
beginning to pay off.

You can't remember who sent you this list.

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"Things You Should Have Learned
        By The Time You Reach Middle Age"

If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any
more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one
you've never tried before.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that
life is serious.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite
government program.

If you look like your passport picture, you probably
need the trip.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away
three weeks before you need it.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast
to the real world.

It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
Received on Mon Jul 18 02:53:59 2005