Advice To Dumb Criminals

"Advice To Dumb Criminals"
(based on what other dumb criminals have done)

If you plan to commit a crime and run from the
police on foot... *Do* pick a more subtle color
to wear than bright yellow pants.

*Don't* invite a uniformed police officer into your
home to chat about a crime you witnessed if you
have dope on the table in plain view.

When you go on a burglary spree *Do* ensure you
have enough gas in your vehicle to drive away
from your crime scene.

"But I know the people who live here" is *Not* a
valid justification for burglarizing a neighbors
house when they are out of town.

When an officer is demonstrating a field sobriety
test *Don't* say, "Well, I can't do that sober!" on
camera, and then plead not guilty.

If you are going to steal a car *Do* pick one that will
blend in traffic better than a pearl white six door limo.

*Don't* answer a question with the phrase, "Who me?"
when you and the officer are the only people in a ten
mile radius.

*Don't* repeat the question that the officer just asked.
It's considered a stall technique and it gives away the
fact you are getting ready to lie through your teeth.

*Don't* say, "I ain't got no dope. Why you wanna search
my car?" before the officer even introduces himself/
herself on the traffic stop.

*Do* pick an alias you can spell before you lie to the
police about your name.

*Do* ensure the birthday you give matches the age you
give when lying about your birthday.

When you attempt to drop your dope on the ground
when approached by an officer, *Don't* bounce said
dope off the toe of the officer's boot.

*Do* come up with something better to say than,
"These aren't my pants" when the officer finds dope
or any other contraband in your pocket.

If you are going to jump into a stranger's fenced back
yard *Do* make sure a police K-9 vehicle is not parked
in the driveway.

*Don't* ask an off duty plain clothes officer in his
privately owned vehicle for a ride away from your
crime scene.

If you leave your pants, car, and ID at a crime scene,
the cops *Will* probably be able to figure out who dunnit.
Received on Sun Jul 17 02:02:20 2005