Oneliners XX & XXI

"Oneliners XX"

Life can be only understood backwards, but it must
be lived forwards.

Trust everybody . . . then cut the cards.

Don't do for others what, given the chance, they
wouldn't do for themselves.

Summer must be over. My neighbor just returned
my lawn furniture.

If you are willing to admit you are wrong when you
are wrong, then you are all right.

It's good to question authority, but not mine.

Love doesn't really make the world go round, but it
makes the ride worthwhile.

Age is just a number and mine is unlisted.

An expert is someone called in at the last minute
to share the blame.

At my age, I've begun to regret the sins I did NOT
commit.

If there was a 'Bi-Sexual Pride' parade, would it go
both ways?

The first Ten Commandments are the hardest.

A retired husband is a wife's full time job.

Heredity is something parents comfortably believe
in, if they have a bright child.

Only one shopping day left until tomorrow!

Happiness is the place between too little and
too much.

Circular arguments often make the rounds.

Even at a Mensa convention, someone is the
dumbest person in the room.

When in doubt. . . mumble.

Money can't buy everything . .but then again,
neither can no money.

****************************************

"Oneliners XXI"

I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.

If a nickel knew what it is worth today, it would
feel like two cents.

A lot of pessimists get that way from financing
optimists.

When you have your head up your butt, 4 of the
5 senses do not work.

I'd rather visit the zoo than most of my relatives.

If only the good die young then what does that
say about senior citizens?

Commercial truck owners should be required
to pay into a state windshield repair fund.

I knew the Louisiana Purchase was a bad
idea.

I work for a living, I don't live for working.

With fuel prices skyrocketing, they should
now call them gasp pumps!

Buffet is a French term, It means "get up
and get it yourself."

Without geometry, life is pointless.

To a worm, digging in the hard ground is more
relaxing than going fishing.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste
like chicken?

If people talk behind your back, it only means
you are two steps ahead.

Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.

Why is the National Guard in Iraq and the Army
in New Orleans?

Yes, I'm lost . . . but I'm making GREAT time!

Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by
confessing our parents' shortcomings.

Time isn't on my side. It's on my back.
Received on Mon Dec 5 12:36:11 2005