Psychic Abilities

"Ooops"

"Psychics" are big on Queensland's Sunshine Coast,
just north of the state capital, Brisbane. Other
Australians regard the area as the Deep North, the
antipodean equivalent of the USAs Deep South.

A local radio station carried an evening program
in which a "psychic" appeared regularly. The usual
flummery - calls from listeners (usually younger women)
wanting forecasts of their love-lives, jobs, happiness etc.,
followed by confident replies from the "psychic" together
with supportive clucking noises from the credulous
anchor entity. Then the "psychic" made a classic blooper:

Caller: "Will I meet someone?"

Psychic: "Yes of course you will, darling. I see you dancing -
you dance so well! - and meeting that man and dancing
through life together, you know what I mean?"

Caller: "But I'm confined to a wheelchair..."

******************************************

"Psychic Abilities"

A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting
her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids
begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands
float up above the table, and she begins moaning.

Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying,
"Granddaughter? Are you there?"

The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat,
responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"

"Yes granddaughter, it's me."

"It's really, really you, grandmother?" the woman
repeats.

"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."

The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you,
grandmother?"

"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."

The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have
just one question for you."

"Anything, my child."

"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
Received on Thu Aug 4 11:41:47 2005