Quantas Problem Solving

"Quantas Problem Solving"

After every flight, Qantas' pilots fill out a form, called
a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems
with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems,
document their repairs on the form, & then pilots
review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never
let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints
submitted by Qantas' pilots & the solutions recorded
by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the
only major airline that has never had an accident.

(P= The problem logged by the pilot.) (S= The solution
and action taken by mechanics.)

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
S: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on backorder.

P: Autopilot in altitudehold mode produces a 200 feet
   per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, &
   be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit. S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel.
   Sounds like a midget pounding on something
   with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget!!!!!!!
Received on Mon Apr 11 05:58:40 2005