Religious Tech Support

"Religious Tech Support"
Part I

Ring ring...

G~d: Hello this is the religion help line, what is your
disbelief?

Sinner: I seem to have lost my faith.

G~d: Was your faith installed by an ordained priest or
a Catholic Minister?

Sinner: Ummm... lets see, I have a conformation, so
it must have been a priest.

G~d: And have you been doing your Faith updates with
Weekly Services(c)?

Sinner: Well, no, not all of them, but I did get the big
upgrade at Christmas and Easter, and a few other
Weekly Services here and there.

G~d: Have you recently heard any contrary Data that
might have corrupted your faith?

Sinner: Not that I can think of..

G~d: Please remember that corrupting data can come
in many forms, from Simple Lies (c)*(Microsoft) or Street
Rhetoric (Internet). Have your Ears downloaded anything
that might be construed as corrupting?

Sinner: Well I did listen to a bum on the street that said
that G~d was asleep and that anyone who believes was
being lulled into the fires of hell.

G~d: What you have is a paradox, that is the problem with
your faith, you see, somehow you have an INI string installed
that does not let you Believe in G~d, but the output of this
string is a Goto Hell. Without G~d there is no hell, thus the
paradox.

Sinner: And how do I get this Paradox out of my system?

G~d: Please re-read the book that came with your faith, The
Bible(TM) and recall the passages that deal with heaven and
hell, and look to the passages about Judas.ini (c). You can
also find some help in the Psalms 100-120, but those are
long and confusing and should only be used with a complete
lack of Faith.

Sinner: And what can I do so that my Faith never becomes
corrupted again?

G~d: Well there are several products out there just for that
purpose, Lotus Devout(TM), Microsoft Seminary Plus(TM),
and Netscape Hereafter Browser(TM). If you use these products
and not download data from know corrupting sources, you
should be fine.

Sinner: Well thank you very much G~d, This should help out
a lot, I should be believing in you without a doubt in no time.

G~d: Go in Peace(TM) my son.

**********************************

Part II

Ring ring...

G~d: Hello this is the religion help line, what is your
disbelief?

Sinner: Hello, I am now Jewish(TM)...

"The Name of G~d Note"

NOTE for the curious ones: I do not spell out the name
of G~d out of respect to the Deity and not for any other
reasons. I do not do it to please somebody; I do it for
myself. I may be The Joke Mistress who occasionally
makes fun of the Deities, but I remain a deeply
spiritual person. Frankly, it is against my religion to
spell out the name of HaShem. For additional explanation,
please see http://www.ladyhawk.com/jan9.html

This is my position and I stand by it.
Received on Sun Sep 26 18:12:34 2004