What The Job Ad Says; What It Means

"What The Job Ad Says; What It Means"

Advancement opportunity
-Crappy job

Entry Level
-Really a Crappy job

No experience necessary
-The mother of all Crappy jobs

Administrative assistant
-Crappy job with a title

Ground floor opportunity
-Crappy job with a company that will file bankruptcy
within a year

Progressive company
- Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday

Team player
  -Must deal with dangerously territorial coworkers
  with rabid personalities

Upbeat personalities
-Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor
use the drug alcohol rehab benefit within the first year

Word processing skills essential
-There is a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your future

Public Relations Receptionist
Professional appearance important
-$20 K a year job that requires a $100K year wardrobe

Pleasant telephone manner
-Be the voice of 1-900-suck

Earn up to $300 per hour
-Be 1-900-suck

Salary range $24K to $32K
-The salary is $24K

Jeans job!
-Minimum wage temporary job in concentration camp
office

Will train
-Prior conviction of a felony or two, no problem

BA required, MA preferred
-Must be a MA willing to work for a BA salary

Civil service
-This job was filled from the inside six months ago

Women/minorities encouraged
-White males need not waste a stamp

Outstanding benefits package
-Health insurance

Tons of variety
-We took all of the heinous tasks no one else would
do and rolled them into one job

Top notch communication skills
-Telemarketing

Beautiful offices in attractive locale
-Brand new tacky windowless office where picture frames
match the carpet

Secretary
-Woman only job with the responsibilities of management
and the wages of a migrant worker

Executive secretary
-The most powerful position in any company

Dedicated
-You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week until we
force you into early retirement

Salary commensurate
-We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like

Salary negotiable
-We'll take the lowest bidder

Competitive salary
-We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job-period!

Competitive starting salary
-Ten cents above minimum wage

Pleasant atmosphere
-A staff of pod people

Professional atmosphere
-Zombie pod people

Fun, creative atmosphere
-Pod people from hell

Dynamic atmosphere
-Zombie pod people from hell

Gal Friday
-Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it

Self starter
-Open to very broad interpretation, since no one really
knows what this means
Received on Wed Sep 8 06:56:59 2004