Thank You . . .Sort of . . . .

"Thank You . . .Sort of . . . ."

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and
trouble to send me your stinking chain letters over the
past years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure,
blessed, and wealthy. Because of your concern........

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove
toilet stains and it eats the paint off of cars.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people
who make these products are atheists who refuse to
put "Under G~d" on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will
get sick from the rat feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it
causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because
I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though
I smell like a wet dog on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will
drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since
they are actually Al Qaida in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and
don't support our American troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will
ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the
phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,
Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the
estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat @ KFC because their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will
take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub
full of ice.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change
once I receive my free replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus
since I now have their recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
angels looking out for me.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a
sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the
1,387,258th time!!!).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change
once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are
sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer allow my kids to play in the jumping balls at
Chunky Cheese or McDonald's because they may catch a
hypodermic needle in the butt and die of a heroin overdose.

I no longer use my cell phone because I could
spontaneously combust at a gas station while refueling
my car.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking
out for me! I will now return the favor.

If you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 5000 people in
the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will poop
on your head at 5:00PM tomorrow afternoon. I know this
will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a
friend of a friend of a . . . . . .etc...
Received on Fri Nov 19 06:15:42 2004