The Fatitudes

"The Fatitudes"

In the beginning, G~d covered the earth with broccoli,
cauliflower and spinach, with green and yellow and
red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman
would live long and healthy lives.

Then, using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben
and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said: "You
want hot fudge with that?" And Man said: "Yes!" And
Woman said: "I'll have one, too...with sprinkles."
And they gained 10 pounds.

And G~d created the healthful yogurt that Woman
might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and
sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman
went from size 2 to size 14.

So G~d said: "Try my fresh green garden salad."

And Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing
and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman
unfastened their belts following the repast.

G~d then said: "I have sent you heart-healthy vegetables
and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep-fried coconut shrimp,
butter-dipped lobster chunks, and chicken-fried steak
so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol
went through the roof.

Then G~d brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat
and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin, sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats,
adding copious quantities of salt. And Man packed on
more pounds.

G~d then brought forth running shoes so that his children
might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan introduced cable TV with remote control so
Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And
Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering
light and started wearing stretchy lycra jogging suits.

G~d then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer
calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double
cheeseburger. Then Satan said: "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied: "Yes! And super size 'em!

And Satan said: " It is good." And Man and Woman went
into cardiac arrest.

G~d sighed...and created quadruple by-pass surgery.

Satan chuckled and created HMOs....
Received on Tue Nov 16 06:13:29 2004