Etiquette and Decency, Part 17-24

"Intercourse Etiquette and Decency"
Part III

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is at his worst.
Lose the socks fist.

18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the
worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial
power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly line worker
made obsolete by your technology. Slow is the key! In the
beginning build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular
movements.

19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hipbones into her thigh
or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of
horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you
see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a
backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without
climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more
likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some
intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to
hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make
noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
In the beginning this is cool. Very seductive, but don't
act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole
mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating
or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis,
hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis.
All women hate this. It's about three steps from being
dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use
her mouth, use yours first; try talking seductively to her,
and if all else fails reciprocation is the key!
Received on Wed Nov 3 09:04:32 2004