Dictionary for Women

"Dictionary for Women"

Airhead (er*hed) n. What a woman intentionally becomes
when pulled over by a policeman.

Arguement (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs
when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet.

Balance the checkbook (bal*ens da chek*buk) v. To go
to the cash machine and hit "inquire."

Bar-be-que (bar*bi*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed
the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions,
marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he
"made the dinner."

Blond jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men
can understand them.

Cantaloupe (kant*e*lope) n. Gotta get married in a church.

Clothes dryer (kloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to
eat socks.

Diet soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience
store to go with a half pound bag of M&Ms.

Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football
game.

Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall,
occasionally resting to make a purchase.

Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend an hour
and a half writing, then forget to take it with you to the store.

Hair Dresser (hare dres*ser) n. Someone who is able to
create a style that you will never be able to duplicate. See
"Magician."

Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in
space-if he goes in, he isn't coming out anytime soon.

Childbirth (child*brth) n. You get to go through 30 hours of
contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, "Focus...
breathe...push..."

Lipstick (lip*stik) n. On your lips: color to enhance the beauty
of your mouth. On his collar: coloring only a tramp would wear.

Park (park) v/n. Before children, a verb meaning "to go
somewhere and neck." After children, a noun meaning a place
with a swing set and a slide.

Patience (pa*shens)n. The most important ingredient for dating,
marriage, and children. See also "tranquilizers."

Valentine's Day (val*en*tinz dae) n. A day when you have dreams
of a candlelight dinner, diamonds and romance, but consider
yourself lucky to get a card.

Waterproof Mascara (Wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if
you cry, shower or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it.

Zillion (zil*yen) n. The number of times you ask someone to take
out the trash, then end up doing it yourself anyway.
Received on Thu May 20 12:10:59 2004