Insurance Laughs

"Insurance Laughs"

Below are actual insurance claim form gaffes found
by a UK insurance company:

"I started to slow down but the traffic was more
stationary than I thought."

"A car drove away at speed catching our client who
went up in the air and his head went through the
windscreen and then rolled off at the traffic lights a
good few feet away. The car then sped off and
miraculously our client remained conscious and
managed to cross the road."

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under
the bonnet. I realized the car was on fire so took my
dog and smothered it with a blanket."

Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the
accident? A: Traveled by bus?

A customer collided with a cow. The questions and
answers on the claim form were: Q - What warning
was given by you? A - Horn Q - What warning was
given by the other party? A - Moo

"I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching
lorries, and another on the woman behind."

"I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed
a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This
distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit
a bollard."

"On the M6 motorway I moved from the center lane
to the fast lane but the other car didn't give way."

"On approach to the traffic lights the car in front
suddenly broke."

"Three men approached me from the minibus. I thought
they were coming to apologize. Two of the men grabbed
hold of me by the arms, and the first slapped me
several times across the face. I Knee'd the man in the
groin, but didn't connect properly, so I kicked him in
the shin."

"I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend
on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so
I lost control."

"I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight."

"I was on my way to see an unconscious patient who
had convulsions and was blocked by a tanker."

"Mr. X is in hospital and says I can use his car and
take his wife while he is there. What shall I do about
it?"

"No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap
until after it happened."

"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I
would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought
there was any risk."

Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other
pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: I Watch the Lottery
Show and listen to Terry Wogan.

"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car
and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."

"Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so
I hit him again."

We had completed the turn and had just straightened
the car when Miss X put her foot down hard and headed
for the ladies' loo."

"I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at
the wheel and had an accident. I pulled away from the
side of the road, glanced at my mother-in- law and
headed over the embankment."

"Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and
collided with a tree I don't have."

"The other car collided with mine without giving
warning of its intention."

"I thought my window was down, but I found out it
wasn't when I put my head through it."

"I collided with a stationary truck coming the other
way."

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's
face."

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car."

"The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a
number of times before I hit him."

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone
pole."

"I had been shopping for plants all day and was on
my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge
sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the
other car."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble
when my universal joint gave way causing me to have
an accident."

"To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I
struck the pedestrian."

"My car was legally parked as it backed into the other
vehicle."

"An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car
and vanished."

"I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the
other side of the road when I struck him."

"The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I
ran over him."

"I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he
bounced off the roof of my car."

"The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy
in a small car with a big mouth."

"I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was
later found in a ditch by some stray cows."
Received on Tue Mar 2 17:34:29 2004