The Leopard and The Dachshund

"Neighbor's Chickens"

A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep
his chickens fenced in.

The neighbor kept talking about chickens being great
creatures, and as such they had the right to go where
they wanted.

The man was having no luck keeping the chickens
out of his flower beds, and he had tried everything.

Two weeks later, on a visit a friend noticed his flower
beds were doing great. The flowers were beginning
to bloom.

So the friend asked him how he managed to keep the
birds away. "How did you make your neighbor keep his
hens in his own yard?"

"One night I hid half a dozen eggs under a bush by my
flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me
gather them. I wasn't bothered after that."

******************************

"The Leopard and The Dachshund"

A wealthy old lady decided to go on a photo safari
in Africa. She took her faithful pet dachshund along
for company. One day, the Dachshund starts chasing
butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers
that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading
rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of
having lunch.

The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!
Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by,
and immediately settles down to chew on the bones
with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund
exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard.
I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing
this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look
of terror comes over him, and he slinks away into the
trees.

"Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That
dachshund nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole
scene from a nearby tree figures he can put this knowledge
to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So,
off he goes.

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with
great speed, and figured that something must be up. The
monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans
and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says,
"Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to
happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey
on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But
instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his
attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet...and just
when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says...

"Where's that bloody monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago
to bring me another leopard!"

So remember ....... "IF YOU CAN'T DAZZLE THEM WITH
BRILLIANCE, BAFFLE THEM WITH BULLSH*T"
Received on Sun Jul 18 02:46:55 2004