It's Your Fault!

"Cost of Drinks"

Four retired guys are walking down a street in Milwaukee.

They turn a corner and see a sign that says "Old Timer's Bar"
  " ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!" They look at each other, and
then go in.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room,
"Come on in and let me pour one for you, what'll it be,
Gentlemen?"

There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask
for a martini.

In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis --
and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please."

They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents,
finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four
excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again
saying, "That's 40 more cents, please."

They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they
can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've
spent less than a dollar. Finally. one of the men couldn't
stand it any longer and asks the bartender

"How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for
a dime apiece?"

"Here's my story. I'm a retired cop from New York, and I
always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for
$25 million, and decided to open this place. Every drink
costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same."

"Wow. That's quite a story" says one of the men.

The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help
but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't
have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything
the whole time they were there.

One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without
drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, "They're seniors from Florida, they're
waiting for Happy Hour."

**********************************

"It's Your Fault!"

An 85 year old couple, having been married almost
60 years, had died in a car crash. They had been
in good health the last ten years mainly due to her
interest in health food and exercise.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took
them to their mansion which was decked out with
a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked St.
Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," St. Peter replied, "this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to survey the championship
golf course that the home backed up to. They would
have golfing privileges everyday and each week the
course changed to a new one representing the
greatest golf courses on earth.

The old man asked, "What are the green fees?"

St. Peter's reply, "This is heaven, you play for free."

Next they went to the club house and saw the lavish
buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.

"How much does it cost to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet? This is heaven, it's free!"
St. Peter replied with some exasperation.

"Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?"
the old man asked timidly.

St. Peter lectured, "That's the best part. You can eat as
much as you like of whatever you like and you never
get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing
down his hat and stomping on it, shrieking wildly.

St. Peter and the old man's wife both tried to calm him
down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked
at his wife and said, "It's all your fault! It's all your fault!"

His wife said, "My fault? What are you talking about?"

He yelled, "If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I
could have been here ten years ago!"
Received on Fri Jul 9 10:15:53 2004