Writing Home the Easy Way

"Writing Home the Easy Way"

  Date: ___________

  Dear Parent(s),

  I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the
topics of interest to both of us.

  Please send:

  __ Money (Cash)! Amount: $_______
  __ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ________
  __ Clean clothes!

  Relationships:

  __ What?
  __ I am in love with myself
  __ I am in love!
  __ I am engaged
  __ I got married last weekend

  My Roommate:

  __ Worships the ground I walk on
  __ Gave me a black eye
  __ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason
  __ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ???
  __ Has fleas

  My Professors are:

  __ Sadistic water walkers
  __ Mental institution escapees
  __ Brain dead nerds
  __ Super oxygen thieves

  Latest News:

  __ I wrecked the car
  __ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the
credit limit
__ You are going to have a grandchild
__ False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild

  Food:

  __ Is great!
  __ Even makes me appreciate your cooking
  __ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals

  Grades:

  __ I am making all A's
  __ I am not being properly challenged
  __ I will be home after this semester

  I study:

  __ Night and day
  __ All the time
  __ 80 hours a week
  __ Only on Sunday afternoon
  __ None of the above

 Daily Devotions:

  __ I read my Bible everyday
  __ I can't read
  __ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars

  On my last visit home, I left:

  __ My glasses
  __ My paper that was due yesterday
  __ The clothes you washed for me
  __ My (girlfriend's) birth control pills
  __ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
  __ Other _____________________________________________

  Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS
  (Blue)

  Laundry:

  __ My white underwear is now _________________
  __ I am saving money by not using detergent
  __ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester
  __ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains

  My room:

  __ Can pass your "white glove" test
  __ Is only _____% full
  __ Could not be located last Saturday night
  __ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training

  Parties:

  __ I don't inhale
  __ I only go to meet people
  __ Haven't been to one since this morning

  Hope you:

  __ Miss me
  __ Can live without me
  __ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence

  Salutation:

  __ Your Daughter,
  __ Your Son,
  __ Yours,
Received on Thu Jan 29 10:10:51 2004