English Nouns, Male or Female

"English Nouns, Male or Female"

 From the Washington Post Style Invitational in
which it was postulated that English has male
and female nouns, and readers were asked to
assign a gender to nouns of their choice, and
explain their reason.

The best submissions:

Detective Novel -- f., because you're not
supposed to peek at its end the minute you
pick it up.

Swiss Army Knife -- m., because even though
it appears useful for a wide variety of work,
it spends most of its time just opening bottles.

Kidneys -- f., because they always go to the
bathroom in pairs.

Penlight -- m., because it can be turned on
very easily, but isn't very bright.

Hammer -- m., because it hasn't evolved much
over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to
have around and is good for killing spiders.

Tire -- m., because it goes bald and often is
over-inflated.

Hot air balloon -- m., because to get it to
go anywhere you have to light a fire under it.
And, of course, there's the hot air part.

Web page -- f., because it is always getting
hit on.

Web page -- m., because you have to wait for
it to reload.

Shoe -- m., because it is usually unpolished,
with its tongue hanging out.

Copier -- f., because once turned off, it
takes a while to warm up. Because it is an
effective reproductive device when the right
buttons are pushed. Because it can wreak havoc
when the wrong buttons are pushed.

Magic 8 Ball -- m., because it gives
monosyllabic answers that usually indicate it
did not pay attention to your question.

Ziploc bags -- m., because they hold everything
in, but you can always see right through them.

Sponges -- f., because they are soft and
squeezable and retain water.

Critic -- f. What, this needs to be explained?

Subway -- m., because it uses the same old
lines to pick up people.

Hourglass -- f., because over time, the weight
shifts to the bottom.

Cars -- f., most of the time they're ok, but
if you mistreat them or don't service them
often enough, they soon break down and/or
turn into a wreck.
Received on Mon Jan 12 10:33:24 2004