Bizarre Court Statements

"Bizarre Court Statements"

"I object to your calling me a person, your honor."
[Rodney Skurdal in 1996 when asked by a federal
magistrate if he had the right person before him.]

"What are you talking about, some 'witness,' man,
There was only me and her in the store."
[Blurted out by a defendant in objection to testimony
by a police officer who accidentally used the term
"witness" instead of victim.]

"I enjoyed drinking while driving. It's one of the
most pleasurable habits I've had."
[Steven L. Johnson explaining his situation to the
judge who had sentenced him to two years in prison.]

"I sued for $2,500 and the judge gave me $837.29.
I don't think he realizes how much a girl's hair
means to her.
[Lauryl Boyer on the award she received for a bad
perm.]

**********************************

"Prison"

It was Mickey's first night in the penitentiary. All
of the inmates were in their cells and he was
trying to become a bit more comfortable with his
meager surroundings. As he leaned against the
bars at the front of his cell, Mickey heard a voice
call out "44" and the whole cell block erupted into
laughter!

Another voice called "16" and again there was
laughter.

A third voice called "62" which was followed by
laughter throughout the block.

Mickey didn't know what was going on so he
rapped on his cell wall.

"Yeah, whaddaya want?" came the gruff reply from
next door. "What's going on, here?" asked Mickey.

"Well," said the other inmate, "down in the prison
library there's only one joke book. We've all read
the book so many times that we don't waste time
telling the joke, we just call out it's number."

So the next day Mickey went down to the library
and, sure enough, found the yellowed, dog-eared
joke book and read it from cover to cover.

That night, wanting to be part of the group, Mickey
confidently called out "44" and everyone laughed!
He tried calling "16" and "62" and again there were
peals of laughter. Then he called 57, and the halls
rang with laughter.

After several minutes, one prisoner was still rolling
on the floor laughing. More minutes - still laughing.

Mickey rapped on the cell wall.

"Yeah, waddaya want?" asked the other inmate.

"I don't understand it," asked Mickey, "Why is Tommy
STILL laughing?"

"Well," said the gruff inmate, "He'd never heard that
one before!"
Received on Fri Feb 20 06:35:20 2004