Elephant

"Elephant"

A man goes to Africa on a safari. While there, he comes
upon an elephant, in great pain, with a giant thorn in its foot.
The man very carefully approaches the elephant, and
gingerly removes the thorn from its foot. The elephant
begins to walk away, then turns and stares at the man for
a full minute, locking eyes with him. The elephant then
continues on its way. "I wonder if I ever see that elephant
again if it will remember me?" the man muses to himself.

It is a few years later, and the man is at a circus back in the
States. He notices that one of the elephants keeps looking
at him, almost like it KNOWS him. The man wonders, "Could
this be that elephant I helped so long ago?" He decides to
get a closer look. With the elephant still giving him the stare
down, the man moves in closer, getting right up in front of the
elephant. They lock eyes. A knowing look seems to cross the
elephant's face. It reaches down... picks the man up carefully
with its trunk... lifts him high in the air... THROWS HIM,
CRASHING TO THE GROUND AND STOMPS HIM TO DEATH!
Turns out it wasn't THAT elephant.

******************************

"Cold War Dog Fight"

The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized
that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up
the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole
dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best
fighting dog in the world and which ever side's dog won would be
entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay
down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler
dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian
wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each
litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids
and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest
dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five
inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a
strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt
sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this
dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and
wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog
almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over
to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and
consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all
of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in
disbelief. "We don't understand how this could have happened. We
had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman
and Rottweiler bitches in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian
wolves."

"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic
surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a
Dachshund."
Received on Thu Apr 29 09:36:48 2004