The Truth About Scooby-Doo & Co

"The Truth About Scooby-Doo & Co"

Everyone remembers the cartoon show Scooby-Doo from
their early childhood, right? But something you may not
remember is what the show was really about. As we've
gotten older, it has become more clear what Fred,
Shaggy, Daphne, Velma, and Scooby were actually doing
as they traversed the continent foiling crimes of all
sorts in the Mystery Machine.

WHAT WE REMEMBER: Four teenagers and their trusted dog
gallop across the country in their purple and green van
solving mysteries of all sorts -- and in the process
meet all kinds of interesting people.

THE TRUTH: Four high-school dropouts and their sentient
dog ride around the country in their psychedelic love
machine, earning their way by selling drugs. Oh, and
they occasionally take some old guys mask off to solve
a mystery.

It may be hard to swallow, but just take a look at the
evidence...

Take Shaggy for example. Not only is he the inspiration
for the current 'grunge' scene, with his sloppy dress
and facial hair, but Shaggy is obviously a 'burner',
i.e., he smokes marijuana. Why do you think he is
constantly hungry? Shaggy can make a six foot hoagie
and swallow it whole.

And then there is Scooby himself. While dogs do not
generally smoke joints, Scooby gets his 'high' from
Scooby-Snacks, which are in fact Hash-Brownies.
Whenever Scooby, or Shaggy for that matter, eats a
Scooby-Snack, they go ape! It just blows their mind and
they do whatever they are told, because they are so
lit! Scooby is also hungry all the time.

The other characters do not actively take part in the
stoner-fest that Shaggy and Scooby do, but they do
condone the selling of it because it helps support
their jaunts across the country (and the world -- they
drove to China once). These other characters do have
their own peculiarities however...

Fred and Daphne are always splintering off from the
group to go 'solve the case' by themselves. It's no
real mystery what these two are really doing -- they're
getting busy in the back of the Mystery Machine.
Daphne, with her pretty pink legs, and Fred are
constantly bumping uglies. Fred is, by the way, pumped
up on steroids. One thing that remains a mystery
though, is why he always wore that stupid scarf around
his neck.

And what about Velma? Everyone's least favorite of the
cast, was of course, a lesbian. But, as it turned out
in the later episodes, she was also into bestiality.
Where do you think Scrappy-Doo came from? Scrappy, who
was a dog yet spoke perfect English, was obviously a
product of Velma and Scooby.

So the kids spent their teenage years driving around
the world, slangin' dope, shooting steroids, eating
hash brownies, and screwing their dog, while all the
while looking for the perfect 'hit'. Oh if we had only
known these things when we watched this cartoon as
children...
Received on Fri Apr 23 11:29:48 2004