Subject: How To Speak About Women
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Jun 16 2003 - 07:20:03 EDT
"How To Speak About Women And Be Politically Correct"
She is not a BABE or a CHICK ...
She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a BLEACHED BLONDE ...
She is PEROXIDE DEPENDENT.
She is not a BAD COOK ...
She is MICROWAVE COMPATIBLE.
She is not HALF NAKED ...
She is WARDROBE IMPAIRED.
She does not wear TOO MUCH JEWELRY ...
She is METALLICALLY OVERBURDENED.
She is not CONCEITED ...
She is INTIMATELY AWARE OF HER BEST QUALITIES
She does not want to be MARRIED ...
She wants to lock you in DOMESTIC INCARCERATION.
She does not GAIN WEIGHT ...
She is a METABOLIC UNDERACHIEVER.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER ...
She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY ...
She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT ...
She engages in NON EVENTFUL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB ...
She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION
SUPERHIGHWAY.
She is not TOO SKINNY ...
She is SKELETALLY PROMINENT.
She does not HAVE A MUSTACHE ...
She is IN TOUCH WITH HER MASCULINE SIDE.
She does not HATE TELEVISED SPORTS ...
She is ATHLETICALLY UNDER APPRECIATIVE
She has not BEEN AROUND ...
She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH PERFUME ...
She commits FRAGRANCE ABUSE.
She does not GET YOU EXCITED ...
She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
She is not KINKY ...
She is a NON-INHIBITED SEXUAL COMPANION.
She does not have a KILLER BODY ...
She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She does not GO SHOPPING ...
She is MALL FLUENT.
She is not an AIRHEAD ...
She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY ...
She is CHEMICALLY SUSCEPTIBLE.
She is not COLD or FRIGID ...
She is THERMALLY INACCESSIBLE.
She is not HORNY ...
She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
She does not WEAR TOO MUCH MAKEUP ...
She has reached COSMETIC SATURATION.
She does not NAG YOU ...
She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE
She is not a SL*T ...
She is SEXUALLY GENEROUS.
She is not LOOSE ...
She is MORALLY IMPAIRED.
She does not have THIN LIPS ...
She is COLLAGEN DEPRIVED.
She does not get FAT or CHUBBY ...
She achieves MAXIMUM DENSITY.
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