Subject: 40 Ways Men Fail In Bed 17-24
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Tue Feb 18 2003 - 22:31:26 EST
"40 Ways Men Fail In Bed"
17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST. A man in socks
and underwear is a at his worst. Lose the socks fist.
18) GOING TOO FAST. When you get to the penis-in-vagina
situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an
industrial power tool - she'll soon feel lie an assembly-line
worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,
with clean, straight, regular thrusts.
19) GOING TOO HARD. If you bash your great triangular
hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to
two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few
seconds.
20) COMING TOO SOON. Every man's fear. With
reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her
eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her
pleasure, too.
21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH. It may appear to you
that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of
a sex g-d, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb
vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so
she has something to hold her interest while you're
playing Marathon Man.
22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME. You really ought to be
able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really
don't know, don't ask.
23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY. Don't act
like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth
down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking
your tongue on her clitoris.
24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN. Men persist in doing
this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead
very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's
about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their
hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try
talking seductively to her.
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