Subject: About Canada
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Thu Aug 14 2003 - 10:14:59 EDT
"About Canada"
These questions about Canada were posted
on an International Tourism Website and
obviously the answers came from a fellow
Canuck.
1.. Q: I have never seen it warm on TV, so how
do the plants grow? (UK) A: We import all plants
fully grown and then just sit around watching them
die.
2.. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street?
(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
3.. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -
can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots
of water.
4.. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in
Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.
5.. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and
addresses of places to contact for a stuffed
Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.
6.. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in
Canada? Can you send me a list of them in
Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of ?
7.. Q: Can you give me some information about
hippo racing in Canada ? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent
south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to
your North . . . oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing
is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.
8.. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact
us when you get here and we'll send the rest of
the directions.
9.. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
10.. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir
schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering
Ger-man-y, which is....oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna
Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver
and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come
naked.
11.. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.
12.. Q: I have developed a new product that is the
fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell
it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans
gather.
13.. Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?
14.. Q: Can you tell me the regions on British
Columbia where the female population is smaller
than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.
15.. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada?
(USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.
16.. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and
is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan
hunter gatherers. Milk Is illegal.
17.. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada
who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattle snakes are perfectly harmless,
and can be safely handled and make good pets.
18.. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in
Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse
with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent
eating the brains of anyone walking close to them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with
human urine before you go out walking.
21. Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want
to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in
Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.
22. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places
I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.
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