Subject: Petition
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Tue Apr 22 2003 - 09:54:47 EDT
"Petition"
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary
for the following reasons: I do physical labor.
I work at great depths. I plunge head first into
everything I do. I do not get weekends or public
holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I
don't get paid overtime. I work in a dark workplace
that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Dear Penis, After assessing your request, and
considering the arguments you have raised, the
administration rejects your request for the following
reasons: You do not work 8 hours straight. You fall
asleep on the job after brief work periods. You do
not always follow the orders of the management
team. You do not stay in your designated area and
are often seen visiting other locations. You do not
take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated
in order to start working. You leave the workplace rather
messy at the end of your shift. You don't always observe
necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct
protective clothing. You will retire well before you are 65.
You are unable to work double shifts. You sometimes
leave your designated work before you have completed
the assigned task. And if that were not all, you have
been seen constantly entering and exiting the workplace
carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
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