Subject: Asking for a Raise
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed May 29 2002 - 19:59:11 EDT
"Asking for a Raise"
I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for
the following reasons: I do physical labor. I work
at great depths. I plunge head first into everything
I do. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
I work in a damp environment. I don't get paid
overtime. I work in a dark workplace that has
poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures. My
work exposes me to contagious diseases.
Sincerely,
the Penis
Dear Penis,
After assessing your request, and considering the
arguments you have raised, the administration rejects
your request for the following reasons: You do not
work 8 hours straight. You fall asleep on the job after
brief work periods. You do not always follow the orders
of the management team.
You do not stay in your designated area and are
often seen visiting other locations. You do not take
initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated
in order to start working. You leave the workplace
rather messy at the end of your shift. You don't
always observe necessary safety regulations, such
as wearing the correct protective clothing.
You will retire well before you are 65. You are unable
to work double shifts. You sometimes leave your
designated work before you have completed the
assigned task. And if that were not all, you have
been seen constantly entering, and exiting, the
workplace carrying two suspicious looking bags.
Sincerely,
The Management
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