Subject: How To Shower Like A Woman
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed May 15 2002 - 10:22:11 EDT
"How To Shower Like A Woman"
1. Take off clothing and place in sectioned
laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing
gown. If you see husband along the way,
cover exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
3. Look at your womanly physique in mirror
and stick out gut so you can complain and
whine even more about getting fat.
4. Get in shower. Look for facecloth, armcloth,
legcloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice
stone.
5. Wash hair once with Cucumber & Lamfrey
shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6. Wash hair again with Cucumber & Lamfrey
shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
7. Condition hair with Cucumber & Lamfrey
conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil.
Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.
8. Wash face with crushed apricot facial scrub
for ten minutes until red raw.
9. Wash entire rest of body with Giner Nut and
Jaffa Cake body wash.
10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least
fifteen minutes as you must make sure it has all
come off)
11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini
area, but decide to get it waxed instead. (Ouch!)
12. Scream loudly when husband flushes toilet and
you lose the water pressure.
13. Turn off shower.
14. Squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray
mold spots with Tilex.
15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of
a small African country.
16. Wrap hair in super-absorbent second towel.
17. Check entire body for remotest sign of a zit.
Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
18. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing
gown and towel on head.
19. If you see husband along the way, cover up
exposed areas, then rush to bedroom to spend
an hour and a half getting dressed.
LadyHawke's Introduction Copyright and
Joke Compilation Rights © 1996 - 2002
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