Subject: Performance Evaluations
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Jan 07 2002 - 02:50:00 EST
"Performance Evaluations"
These useful quotes are from actual federal employee
performance evaluations:
1. Since my last report, this employee has reached
rock bottom and has started to dig.
2. I would not allow this employee to breed.
3. This employee is really not so much of a has-been
but more of a definite won't-be.
4. Works well when under constant supervision and
cornered like a rat in a trap.
5. When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only
to change feet.
6. He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.
7. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
8. He sets low personal standards and then consistently
fails to achieve them.
9. This employee is depriving a village somewhere of
an idiot.
10. This employee should go far, and the sooner he
starts, the better.
11. Got a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing to
hold it all together.
12. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an
ordinary ignoramus.
13. He does not have ulcers, but he is a carrier.
14. I would like to go hunting with him sometime.
15. He has been working with glue too much.
16. He would argue with a signpost.
17. He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves
the room.
18. When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell.
19. If you see two people talking, and one looks
bored, he is the other one.
20. A photographic memory but with the lens
covered glued on.
21. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.
22. Donated his brain to science before he was
done using it.
23. Gates are down, the lights are flashing but
the train is not coming.
24. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is
out looking for it.
25. If he were any more stupid, he would have
to be watered twice a week.
26. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you
would get change.
27. If you stand close enough to him, you can
hear the ocean.
28. It is hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000
other sperm.
29. One neuron short of a synapse.
30. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge;
he only gargled.
31. Takes him two hours to watch 60 Minutes.
32. The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.
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