Subject: 39 ways to tell your a New Yorker
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed Aug 14 2002 - 08:59:26 EDT
"39 ways to tell your a New Yorker"
1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know
that this means Manhattan.
2. You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or
the Empire State Building.
3. You can get into a four-hour argument about
"the best" way to get from
Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the
Friday before a long weekend, but can't find
Wisconsin on a map.
4. You never pronounce the letter "R."
5. The subway makes sense.
6. The subway should never be called anything
prissy, like the Metro.
7. You believe that being able to swear at people in
their own language makes you multilingual.
8. You've considered stabbing someone just for
saying "The Big Apple."
9. Your door has more than three locks.
10. The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
11. You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
12. You call an 8-by-10-foot plot of patchy grass a yard.
13. You cried the day Ed Koch took over for Wapner.
14. You think Central Park is "nature."
15. You see nothing odd about the speed of an
auctioneer's speaking.
16. You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of
a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."
17. You've been to New Jersey twice and got
hopelessly lost both times.
18. You pay more each month to park your car
than most people in the U.S. pay in rent.
19. You haven't seen more than 12 stars in the
night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
20. You go to dinner at 9pm and head out to the
clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.
21. Your closet is filled with black clothes.
22. You haven't heard the sound of true absolute
silence since 1977, and when you did it terrified you.
23. You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost
the bar 28 cents.
24. You take fashion seriously.
25. Being truly alone makes you nervous.
26. You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
27. Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."
28. America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
29. You have jaywalking down to an art form.
30. You're suspicious of strangers who are actually
nice to you.
31. You haven't cooked a meal since helping mom
last Thanksgiving.
32. You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
33. Your idea of personal space is no one actually
standing on your toes.
34. $50 worth of groceries fits in one paper bag.
35. You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever"
stories.
36. You don't hear sirens anymore.
37. You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of the
city's air quality and what it's doing to your lungs.
38. You live in a building with a larger population
than most American towns.
39. Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean,
your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian,
your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender
is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watch-
seller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie
was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian, and
your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.
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