Subject: The ABCs of ex-girlfriends...
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Fri Apr 19 2002 - 12:36:31 EDT
"The ABCs of ex-girlfriends... "
A is for Arteries. You know, the things that your
ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't
care for you, you twit she was only after your money
and could have given a crap about you.
B is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope
things between them do work out. I hope they get
married and have 2 children that are little devils and
her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow
completely together and they get fat and old together
and then DIE!!
C is for Call ya later. She won't. She never has before.
D is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?
E is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took
her out and she said "I'm not hungry" so you figured
you could take her to a nice place because you were
able to afford a nice meal at this fine restaurant. Then
she ate more than your Uncle Roy (you remember Uncle
Roy the one with the mustard stains on everything).
So you flip the bill and are broke for the next two weeks
and she wonders why you were unable to call her that
week and go see movies.
F is for Friends. That is what she just wants to be. As
if you can even stand to look at her.
G is for Gun. And yes there is a waiting period.
H is for Horny. Remember when she looked nice and
even had a personality? Well, you figure it out.
I stands for I still hate her. Odds are I always will,
unless she calls me and offers me favors.
J stands for Jim. This is her new boyfriend. Doesn't
Jim have a nice car? Doesn't Jim have a good job?
Why does Jim want to date her? I think Jim could do
much better. I hate Jim. Jim is my mortal enemy.
K stands for Kill.
L is for Love. It's a great euphoric feeling that exists
between two people and is shared upon by both parties.
L is also for Lunatic. Lunatics are crazy. Lunatics are
the last people that actually believe in love.
M stands for Mephistopheles. That is who she worked
for.
N stands for Necrofiliac. She didn't move very much,
did she?
O is for On top. When on top she has another O word.
P is for Pill. She said she was on it. She lied. She is
now suing you for a few hundred bucks a month.
Q is for Quitter. She couldn't last.
R is for Rich little Bitch. She bought my love but I paid
for it.
S stands for Stab. Stabbing would be fun.
S is also for Shawn. Shawn was the guy that was
sleeping with her. Shawn is a bad person. Perhaps
you should stab Shawn.
T is for torture. Torture is what she did. She tortured
you with the truth. She also tortured you with lies.
She even tortured you with whips and hand-cuffs.
U is for Understatement. Saying you hate that bloody
bitch is an understatement.
V is for Voluptuous. That is the primarily reason you
were dating her in the first place.
W stands for Wine. Wine is expensive. She loved
wine. She got drunk awfully slow though. After too
much wine she liked to screw. But after too much
of it she puked; that is, from the wine. Not the activity.
X is for Xylophone. Because X is always for xylophone.
I don't know why.
Y stands for You suck! Remember when she yelled
that at you.
. stands for period. Which is a couple of weeks late,
because she lied to you about taking what P stands
for. It also means you won't get any for a week.
Z is for Z end. Of you and your financial freedom that is.
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