Subject: Men Explained Part I
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Apr 08 2002 - 02:57:53 EDT
"Men Explained"
Part I
1. Why are men such jerks?
It's a testosterone thing. Very similar to your PMS
thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning.
Why do you think the average life span of a male is
typically 10 years shorter (and it's not just from all
the bitching and nagging they have to endure)?
Hormone modifies behavior. We're just misunderstood.
2. Why do men always have to ogle at other women?
Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly
think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies
the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as
well. Women are just much better at not getting caught.
I'm fairly certain it's some sort of photographic memory
deal. Women take one quick look and memorize it for
later reference. Since men lack this ability, we try to
burn it into our memory by staring as much as we can.
3. Why do men always touch themselves, especially in
public?
We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and
make him happy. It's much like adjusting your bra.
Being in public is just an added bonus.
4. Why do men always say such stupid things?
We like to. It's actually a whole lot of fun to see our
partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen)
words.
5. Why are men so uncommunicative?
You'd learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every
time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
6. Why do men have to act like such retards?
Well, we don't actually have to; we do it because
we enjoy it. It's the old fashioned pride in a job well done
that's missing in so much of the world nowadays.
7. Why can't men just share their feelings?
Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to
understand that men and women are different? How
are we supposed to share how we feel when we
have no idea how we feel? Unless we're experiencing
some extreme emotion like rage, hatred, disgust, or
a brick on our foot, we have no idea how we feel.
Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure
out how I feel.
8. Why can't men cuddle more (i.e. lie down and hug)?
Please... How many hours do you think there is in a
day? We oblige you as much as we can, but who the
heck (besides women) can stand lying around for hours
on end? We men... Men hunters... Need go roam...
Starve in cave... Must go find wildebeest... Now sitting
on our butts for hours on end on the other hand is a
whole other story.
9. How can men sit on their butts all day without moving?
Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed
by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of
time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was
often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods
of time while hunting for prey. The more successful
hunters were able to sit very still for very extended
periods of time thereby passing on this ability to their
progeny. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber
toothed tigers etc. The end result is that almost all
modern men are born with this innate ability.
10. Why can't men just say "I love you?"
Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-
sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to
saying that we need you. Most men consider that a
character fault. It's not easy to admit to one's own
character faults.
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