Subject: Bribing the Judge
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Mon Sep 17 2001 - 09:54:31 EDT
"Motion Denied"
After his motion to suppress evidence was denied
by the court the attorney spoke up, "your Honor,"
he said, "what would you do if I called you a
stupid, degenerate, old fool."
The Judge, now also angered, revered, "I would
hold you in contempt of court and seek to have
you suspended from practicing before this court
again!"
"What if I only thought it?" Asked the attorney.
"In that case, there is nothing I could do, you
have the right to think whatever you may."
"Oh, I see. Then, if it pleases the court, let the
record reflect, I 'think' you're a stupid, degenerate,
old fool."
*********************
"Bribing the Judge"
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of
money was talking to his lawyer. "If I lose this
case, I'll be ruined!"
"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.
"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"
"No! The judge is a stickler on ethical behavior.
A stunt like that would prejudice him against you.
He might even hold you in contempt of court."
Within the course of time, the judge rendered a
decision in favor of the defendant.
As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to
his lawyer, "Thanks for the tip about the cigars.
It really worked!"
Confidently, the lawyer responded, "I'm sure we
would have lost the case if you'd sent them."
"But I did send them." replied the man.
"What?" shouted the lawyer.
"I sure did, that's how we won the case!"
responded the man.
"How could that have helped us win the case?"
asked the lawyer.
"Because I enclosed the plaintiff's business card."
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