Subject: Advice To Dumb Criminals
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sat May 26 2001 - 02:43:43 EDT
"Advice To Dumb Criminals"
(based on what other dumb criminals have done)
If you plan to commit a crime and run from the police
on foot... *Do* pick a more subtle color to wear than
bright yellow pants.
*Don't* invite a uniformed police officer into your home
to chat about a crime you witnessed if you have dope
on the table in plain view.
When you go on a burglary spree *Do* ensure you
have enough gas in your vehicle to drive away from
your crime scene.
"But I know the people who live here" is *Not* a valid
justification for burglarizing a neighbors house when
they are out of town.
When an officer is demonstrating a field sobriety test
*Don't* say, "Well, I can't do that sober!" on camera,
and then plead not guilty.
If you are going to steal a car *Do* pick one that will
blend in traffic better than a pearl white six door limo.
*Don't* answer a question with the phrase, "Who me?"
when you and the officer are the only people in a ten
mile radius.
*Don't* repeat the question that the officer just asked.
It's considered a stall technique and it gives away the
fact you are getting ready to lie through your teeth.
*Don't* say, "I ain't got no dope. Why you wanna search
my car?" before the officer even introduces himself/
herself on the traffic stop.
*Do* pick an alias you can spell before you lie to the
police about your name.
*Do* ensure the birthday you give matches the age
you give when lying about your birthday.
When you attempt to drop your dope on the ground
when approached by an officer, *Don't* bounce said
dope off the toe of the officer's boot.
*Do* come up with something better to say than,
"These aren't my pants" when the officer finds dope
or any other contraband in your pocket.
If you are going to jump into a stranger's fenced back
yard *Do* make sure a police K-9 vehicle is not parked
in the driveway.
*Don't* ask an off duty plain clothes officer in his privately
owned vehicle for a ride away from your crime scene.
If you leave your pants, car, and ID at a crime scene, the
cops *Will* probably be able to figure out who dunnit.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Fri Jun 01 2001 - 00:00:01 EDT