Subject: Things I Wish I'd Known... {Insp}
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sun May 20 2001 - 03:11:30 EDT
"Things I Wish I'd Known ...
Before I Went Out In The Real World"
1. Any and all compliments can be handled by simply
saying "Why, thank you" though it helps if you say it
with a Southern accent).
2. Some people are working backstage, some are
playing in the orchestra, some are on stage singing,
some are in the audience as critics and some are
there to applaud. Know who and where you are.
3. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
4. When baking, follow directions. When cooking, go
by your own taste.
5. Never continue dating anyone who is rude to the
waiters and doesn't like dogs/cats.
6. Good sex should involve laughter. Because think
about it, it is funny.
7. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape.
If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it
moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
8. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital
relationship "I apologize" and "You are right."
9. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
10. When you make a mistake, make amends
immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still
warm.
11. The only really good advice that I remember
my mother ever gave me was, "Go! You might
meet somebody!"
12. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her-
-believe it.
13. I've learned to pick my battles; I ask myself,
'Will this matter one year from now? How about
one month? One week? One day?'
14. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
15. If you woke up breathing, congratulations!
You have another chance!
16. Living well really is the best revenge. Being
miserable because of a bad or former relationship
just might mean that the other person was right
about you.
17. Knowing how to listen to music is as great
a talent as knowing how to make it.
18. Work is good but it's not that important.
19. Never underestimate the kindness of your
fellow man.
20. And finally... Be really nice to your friends. You
never know when you are going to need them to
empty your bedpan.
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