Subject: Female Keywords And Their Meanings
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sun Jul 15 2001 - 16:08:49 EDT
"Female Keywords And Their Meanings"
"Fine": This is the word we use at the end of any
argument that we feel we are right about but need
to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how
woman looks. This will cause you to have one of
those arguments.
"Five minutes": This is half an hour. It is equivalent
to the five minutes that your football game is going
to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even
trade.
"Nothing": This means something and you should
be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to
describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn
you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing"
usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes"
and end with the word "Fine."
"Go Ahead" (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare.
One that will result in a woman getting upset over
"Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine."
"Go Ahead" (normal eyebrows): This means "I give up"
or "do what you want because I don't care." You will
get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes,
followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you
in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
:::...... This is not actually a word, but is still often a
verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud
Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment
and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here
and arguing with you over "Nothing."
...::... Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft
Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually
understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move
or breathe and she will stay content.
"Oh": This word followed by any statement is trouble.
Example; "Oh, let me get that."... Or, "Oh, I talked to him
about what you were doing last night." If she says "Oh"
before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit.
She will tell you that she is "Fine" when she is done
tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect
her to talk to you for at least 2 days. "Oh" as the lead to
a sentence usually signifies that you are caught in a lie.
Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised
eyebrows "Go ahead" followed by acts so unspeakable
that we can't bring ourselves to write about them.
"That's Okay": This is one of the most dangerous
statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's
Okay," means that she wants to think long and hard
before paying you retributions for what ever it is that
you have done.
"That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and
used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead."
At some point in the near future when she has plotted
and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big
trouble.
"Please Do": This is not a statement, it is an offer. A
woman is giving you the chance to come up with
whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever
it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell
the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's
Okay."
"Thanks": A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just
say you're welcome.
"Thanks a lot": This is much different from "Thanks."
A woman will say, "Thanks a lot" when she is really
ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in
some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud
Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the
"Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."
I hope this clears up most misunderstandings...
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