Subject: The Job Test
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Tue Jan 02 2001 - 09:18:44 EST
"The Job Test"
To see if you would fit into the our work environment, we
have come up with a test for you to take when you arrive
for your interview. To give people an equal footing, here
are questions similar to the ones that will be on the test.
INSTRUCTIONS: Read each question carefully. Answer
all questions in full. Time limit: 4 hours. Begin immediately.
BIOLOGY: Create life. Estimate the differences in
subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed
500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable
effect on the English parliamentary system. Prove your thesis.
CHEMISTRY: You will be given 1 lb. of lead to convert to
gold. Return it to the test administrator along with the only
copy of the experimental procedure.
ART: Recreate sound in 3D. Include all reference material.
MATHEMATICS: Using only numbers and equations, answer
the question, "What is the Matrix?" Give your full review of
the movie.
ECONOMICS: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the
national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the
following areas: Cubism, the Donatist controversy, and the
wave theory of light. Outline a method for preventing these
effects. Criticize this method from all points of view.
ENGINEERING: The disassembled parts of a high-powered
rifle have been placed in a box on your desk. You will find an
instruction manual, printed in Swahili, next to the box. In ten
minutes a hungry Bengal tiger will be admitted to the room.
Take whatever action you feel appropriate. Be prepared to
justify your decision.
EPISTEMOLOGY: Take a position for and against truth.
Argue with yourself and lose. If you win, keep trying.
GENERAL KNOWLEDGE: Describe in detail. Be objective
and specific.
HISTORY: Describe the history of the papacy from its
origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but
not exclusively, on its social, political, economic, religious,
and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and
Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.
MEDICINE: Your test administrator will provide you with
a razor blade, a piece of gauze and a bottle of Scotch.
Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work
has been inspected. You have 15 minutes.
MUSIC: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform
it with flute and drum. You will find a trumpet under your seat.
PHILOSOPHY: Sketch the development of human thought.
Next, sketch the thoughts you had while sketching the
development of human thought. Now scribble. Compare
and contrast the three sketches, estimating the
significance of the differences.
GOVERNMENT: There is a red telephone on the desk
beside you. Start World War III. Report in detail on its
socio-political effects, if any.
PSYCHOLOGY: Based on your knowledge of their
works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of
adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the
following: Alexander of Aphrodisias, Ramses II, Gregory
of Nyssa, and Hammurabi. Support your evaluation with
quotations from each man's work, making appropriate
references. It is not necessary to translate the references.
SOCIOLOGY: If you were an extinct society, what
would you do?
PUBLIC SPEAKING: 2,500 riot-crazed aborigines will
storm the testing room at the beginning of the fourth
hour. Calm them. You may use any ancient language,
except Latin or Greek.
EXTRA CREDIT: Define the universe; give three
examples.
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