Subject: Light Bulbs and Christians
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Wed Dec 12 2001 - 12:36:25 EST
"Light Bulbs and Christians"
How many Charismatics does it take to change a
light bulb?
One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the
spirit of darkness.
How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
Change???
How many Calvinists does it take to change
a light bulb?
None. G~d has predestined when the light will be on.
Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read
the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that
has been chosen to be changed.
How many Neo-Orthodox does it take to change
a light bulb?
No one knows. They can't tell the difference between
light and darkness.
How many TV evangelists does it take to change
a light bulb?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send
in your donation today.
How many independent fundamentalists does it take
to change a light bulb?
Only one, because any more might result in too
much cooperation.
How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?
At least t, as they need to hold a debate on whether
or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree
upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might
not change it, to keep from alienating those who
might use other forms of light.
How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They always use candles.
How many worship leaders who use guitars does
it take to change a light bulb?
One. But soon all those around can warm up to its
glowing.
How many members of an established Bible teaching
church that is over 20 years old does it take to change
a light bulb?
One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how
much they liked the old one.
How many United Methodists does it take to change
a light bulb?
This statement was issued: "We choose not to make
a statement either in favor of or against the need for
a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have
found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You
are invited to write a poem or compose a modern
dance about your personal relationship with your
light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and
present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday
service, in which we will explore a number of light
bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent,
three-way, long-life, and tinted--all of which are
equally valid paths to luminescence."
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