Subject: Thanksgiving Morning
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Sat Nov 25 2000 - 04:09:41 EST
"Thanksgiving Morning"
There was an old married couple that had lived happily together for
nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by
the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke.
The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her
eyes to water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every
morning she would plead with him to stop ripping such nasty gasses.
He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor
to see if anything could be done, but the husband wouldn't hear of it.
He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he
would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her
hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he
didn't stop, he was one day going to "blow his guts out."
The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband
continued to ignore her warnings about "blowing his guts out" until
one Thanksgiving morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to
prepare the family feast. She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes,
gravy and of course a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's
innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her
husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the
turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her
flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she
pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's
jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her
husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed
back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal.
Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud
ass-trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and
the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs
bathroom.
The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as
she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him,
she had finally gotten even!
About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood
stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip
to keep from laughing and she asked him what was wrong.
He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I
didn't listen to you"
"What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well you always told me that I would end up blowing my guts out one
of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of Lord
and these two fingers,... I think I got'em all back in!!!"
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