Subject: An Ultimate M&M Challenge
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Tue Mar 28 2000 - 07:41:31 EST
"Burglar's Confidence"
A burglar needing money to pay his income taxes,
decided to burgle the safe in a store. One the safe
door he was very pleased to find a note reading:
"Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked.
Just turn the knob." He did so.
Instantly, a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire
premises were floodlighted, and alarms started
clanging. As the police carried him out on a
stretcher, he was heard moaning: "My confidence
in human nature has been rudely shaken."
*****************************************************
"An Ultimate M&M Challenge" {A LadyHawke's Favorite}
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it
my duty to continue the strength and robustness of
the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.
Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger,
I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of
them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I
eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to
go another round.
I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms
are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically
inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a
race cannot survive long in the intense theater of
competition that is the modern candy and snack-food
world. Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that
is misshapen, or pointer, or flatter than the rest. Almost
invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very
rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this
way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.
When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one
M&M, the strongest of the herd.
Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I
pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars,
A Division of Mars, Inc.,Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503
USA, along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this
M&M for breeding purposes."
This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me
a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I
consider this "grant money." I have set aside the
weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of
hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.
There can be only one...
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