Subject: If Dear Abby Was A Man (Rated R?)
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Fri Mar 03 2000 - 08:27:41 EST
"If Dear Abby Was A Man"
Q: My husband to be, still pines for his old
girlfriends. I'm afraid he may not be faithful.
A: A man's capacity to love is boundless. It
has been proven to increase with the number
of sexual partners. Thus, by having a few other
women, your partner is really increasing his love
for you. Best thing to do is to buy him a nice,
expensive present, and cook him a nice meal
and don't mention this aspect of his behavior.
Q: My husband has too many nights out with the
boys.
A: This is perfectly natural behavior -- and it should
be encouraged. Man is a hunter and he needs to
prove his prowess with other men. Far from being
pleasurable, a night out with the boys is a stressful
affair, and to get back to you is a relief for your
partner. Just look back at how emotional and happy
the man is when he returns to his stable home.
Best thing to do is to buy him a nice, expensive
present, and cook him a nice meal, and don't
mention this aspect of his behavior to him.
Q: My husband wants to experience three-in-a-bed-sex
with me and my sister.
A: Your husband is clearly devoted to you. He cannot
get enough of you, so he goes for the next best thing --
your sister. Far from being an issue, this will bring
all of the family together. Why not get some cousins
involved? If you are still apprehensive, then let him
go with your relatives, buy him a nice, expensive
present, and cook him a nice meal and don't mention
this aspect of his behavior.
Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral
sex with him.
A: Do it. Sperm is not only great tasting, but has only
10 calories a spoonful. It is nutritious and helps you to
keep your figure and gives a great glow to the skin.
Interestingly, a man knows this. His offer to you to
perform oral sex with him is totally selfless. Oral sex
can be very embarrassing for a man. This shows he
loves you. Best thing to do is to thank him, buy him
a nice, expensive present, and cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.
A: Many women can't find their own clitoris so how do
you expect your man to find it? Your clitoris belongs
to you. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time.
To help with the family budget you may wish to video
tape yourself while doing this, and to sell it at the local
flea market. To ease your selfish guilt, buy your man
a nice expensive present, and cook him a delicious meal.
Q: My husband goes straight to sleep after making love --
we have no time to talk.
A: Sex is like running a marathon for a man. Afterwards
he needs rest. In fact, the more he loves you, the more
hard work his lovemaking is, and the more rest he needs.
Stop putting pressure on him. Buy him a nice, expensive
present, and cook him a nice meal.
Q: My husband's efforts at lovemaking only last 30
seconds.
A: Your husband loves you very much. He is so turned
on by you that he cannot control himself. In fact, the
shorter the 'effort' the more he loves you. Return this
love by buying a nice, expensive present, and cooking
him a nice meal.
Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.
A: Foreplay is very important. If your man seems
uninterested it means that you do not love your man
as much as you should because he has to work so
hard to get you in the mood. Reread the question
about Oral Sex above for suggestions and make it
up to him by buying a nice expensive present, and
cooking a nice meal.
Q: My husband hardly ever gives me an Orgasm.
A: The female orgasm is so intense it can happen
only once a year Be patient. Don't mention it again
to him and show your love to him by buying a nice
expensive present......and don't forget to cook him
a delicious meal.
This archive was generated by hypermail 2b28 : Sat Apr 01 2000 - 00:00:03 EST