Subject: Feline Physics
From: Unicorn (unicorn@indenial.com)
Date: Thu Jun 29 2000 - 20:14:14 EDT
"Feline Physics"
Law of Cat Inertia
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless
acted upon by some outside force, such as
the opening of cat food or a nearby scurrying
mouse.
Law of Cat Motion
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there
is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract
cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness
of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body,
except in the case of a cat, in which case all
heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional
to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping
All cats must sleep with people whenever
possible, in a position as uncomfortable for
the people involved, and as comfortable as
possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation
A cat can make her body long enough to reach
just about any counter top that has anything
remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Obstruction
A cat must lay on the floor in such a position
to obstruct the maximum amount of human
foot traffic.
Law of Cat Acceleration
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until
he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance
Cats must attend all meals when anything
good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state
for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance
A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a
human's desire for her to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation
Cats know that energy can neither be created
nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little
energy as possible.
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